Logical Reasons For The Thinking Man

Mr. Kangas Goes To Washington

Australian represenative Joseph C. Kangas visited Wahsington D.C. to address congress. Kangas is acting on behalf of a joint effort by the government of Australia and the Marsupial anti-deffimation league to preserve Kangaroo rights. Joseph pleaded to congress to release the prisoners being held in the San Diego Zoo. The case is currently in reviw and the results will be announced later this week.

posted by Wildebeast @ 12:48 PM 13 comments

3 things that can push you over the edge

1. A Bulldozer
2. A Bull
3. Red Bull

posted by Wildebeast @ 12:38 PM 0 comments

Things that don't exist, but should

1. Robot fish that feed themselves
2. Fruit by the Yard
3. Foot cleansing paste
4. Chocolate clothes
5. Rear airbags that come out from the back of the seat
6. Nuclear powered books
7. ADD vaccine
8. Jumbo size tennis rackets
9. Vegetables with artificial flavoring
10. A refrigerator that also massages your back
11. A talking bathroom scale that comforts by saying things like, "Hey, compared to a polar bear you're a lightweight"
12. An angry mom alarm
13. Portable Food
14. Cell phones that can fold twice
15. A super computer that can locate waldo 100% of the time
16. A mop large enough to wipe up my tears
17. A slightly faster microwave
18. Nightvision windshields
19. Laser guided paper airplanes
20. A broadway musical chronicaling the life and times of Tony Hawk
21. Chairs that sit for you
22. A burrito with even more MSG
23. A way to squelch those "Pretentious Shepherds"
24. Water you can eat
25. 4D glasses

posted by Wildebeast @ 12:16 PM 0 comments

<>-- 45 Things That Make You Feel Bad --<>

>1. Falling in a manhole
>
>2. Punching your face till it hurts
>
>3. Being sprayed with cold water
>
>4. Being shot at the supermarket
>
>5. Not having eyes
>
>6. Getting mail... full of anthrax
>
>7. Taking a nap on a busy road
>
>8. Hearing that your favorite song doesn't exist
>
>9. Lying in the rain outside
>
>10. Really hot towels fresh from the oven
>
>11. Chocolate milkshake poured on head
>
>12. Eating soap
>
>13. Whooping cough
>
>14. A good conversation with a frenchman
>
>15. A beached whale
>
>16. Finding a bloody finger in your coat from last winter
>
>17. Laughing at a one-legged dog
>
>18. Poison
>
>19. Midnight vampire fights
>
>20. Sprinklers running through you
>
>21. Laughing to stay alive
>
>22. Having someone tell you to cover your face
>
>23. Laughing at a person caught in a cement mixer
>
>24. Ugly Friends
>
>25. Accidentally overhearing that your dog died
>
>26. Waking up and realizing you only have a few hours left to live
>
>27. Your first kick in the kidney (either the very first or with a new partner)
>
>28. Making mud pies and having to eat them
>
>29. Not kicking a new puppy
>
>30. Having some play with your hare, without asking
>
>31. Bitter acorns
>
>32. Cold brisket
>
>33. When the road is your only friend
>
>34. Swings swinging on you
>
>35. When a cute stranger gleeks in your eye
>
>36. Being a chocolate chip cookie for Halloween
>
>37. When your friends get to live in a house made of cookies
>
>38. Holding hands with Edward Scissorhands
>
>39. Running into an old friend going 60 miles an hour
>
>40. Watching someone throwup when the recieve a present from you
>
>41. Watching the sun eat your mom
>
>42. Not being able to get out of bed
>
>43. Knowing that you're wanted in 51 states
>
>44. Getting the measles from someone you don't like
>
>45. The fear of not knowing

posted by Wildebeast @ 12:35 PM 5 comments

P.M. Routine

12:00-Boswells Class Gets Out
12:01-Have Brief Conversation With Alex And Garrett
12:02-Walk To Algebra
12:04-Get To Algebra
12:05-Tim Asks Me Something
12:07-Algebra Starts
12:09-Learn About Previous Homework
12:11-Turn In Homework
12:12-Review Homework
12:20-Get New Homework
12:45-Finish Homework
12:46-Wait For Class To End
12:54-Algebra Ends
12:55-Walk To English
12:56-Get Into English
12:57-Say Hi To Doc
1:00-Class Starts
1:06-Class Quiets Down
1:07-Doc Collects Homework
1:09-Doc Gets On An Intellectual Tangent
1:14-Doc Reviews Work
1:20-Doc Gets On An Intellectual Tangent
1:29-Doc Talks About What We Need To Do
1:35-Quiet Worktime
1:39-Doc Gets On An Intellectual Tangent
1:47-English Ends
1:48-Walk To Sign Language
1:49-Say Hi To Josh
1:50-Get Into Sign Language
1:51-Say Something Mean To Neal
1:52-Wait For Class To Start
1:54-Complain
2:40-Sign Language Ends
2:45-Meet At History Resource Room
2:50-Go To Locker Room
3:00-Go To Track Practice
3:06-Blurry
3:15-Track Starts
3:16-Jumping Jacks And Push-ups
3:20-Get Yelled At By Coach
3:30-Go To Our Shotput Coach
3:31-Get Threatened By Shotput Coach
3:32-Run Away From Shotput Coach
3:35-Get The Shots And Head To Ring
3:40-Throw Shot
4:15-Throw Disc
5:00-Track Is Over
5:05-Get Picked Up
5:13-Get Home
5:17-Take Shower
5:28-Do Homework
6:00-Eat Dinner
6:12-Do Homework
6:25-Read
7:00-Random Things
8:00-Do Something With Jenny
9:00-Read
9:30-Sleep

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:22 AM 3 comments

A.M. Routine

7:05-Alarm Goes Off
7:08-Get Up
7:10-Get Dressed
7:15-Brush Teeth, Put on Deoderant, etc.
7:21-Eat Cereal
7:29-Call Neighbor To Get Him To Be On Time So We Can Drive Him To School
7:32-Lay on Couch Waiting For Mom
7:36-Get Up And Get In Car
7:38-Drive To Neighbors Because He's Not Ready
7:44-Pick Up Neighbor
7:51-Get To School
7:51-Annoying Girl That Thinks She's Funny Always Finds Me Somehow And Says "Hi, Jeff"
7:52-Think About How Much I Hate 7:51
7:53-Go To Commons To Join The Group Of People At Michael's Locker
7:57-Start Heading To My Locker
7:58-Take Stuff Out Of My Locker/Two Minute Warning Bell Rings
8:00-Get Into Science Class
8:45-Science Is Over
8:46-Go To Locker Talk To David Boyer
8:48-Walk Down Hall Towards Web Design
8:49-Say Hi To Jack And Josh
8:50-Get Into Web Design
8:52-Go To churchboys2.blogspot.com/Morning Announcements
8:53-Put Stuff On This Website
9:20-Do Some Actual Web Design Work
9:45-Web Design Ends
9:46-Start Walking To Video Production
9:46-See Ashley Smith And Joy
9:48-Get Into Video Production
9:48-Get Camera 3
9:49-Frank Gets In, Says Something About A Movie Or Weird Music
9:50-Ankush And Kyle Get In
9:51-Ankush Gets On Computer Goes To Some Nerdy Gadget Site/Video Production Starts
9:52-Mr. Nugent Says Something About When Stuff's Due
9:54-Frank Writes Up A Hall Pass
9:55-Argue About What We're Going To Film
9:56-Go Out To Film
10:25-Finish Filming One Scene
10:26-Get Into Video Production Room/Capture and Edit Film
10:38-Video Production Is Over
10:39-Wait For Ashley Zchocher To Get Out Of Ceramics
10:41-Walk And Talk Until We Get To Her English Room
10:42-Walk To History
10:42-Say Hi To Jack Again
10:43-Get Into History
10:43-Take Some Computer Paper(Now Hidden From Me)
10:44-History Starts
10:46-Take Current Events
10:50-Draw On Stolen Paper
11:31-History Is Over
11:32-Walk To Lunch
11:35-Wait In Line
11:46-Get Food
11:47-Sit Down At Table
11:48-Look At Neal
11:50-Lunch Over
11:51-Wait Outside Boswells Science Class

posted by Wildebeast @ 8:57 AM 1 comments

Idle Threats?

Seems like every day I get threatened by someone else. I don't even think they know why they threaten me but they always do. I'm like a threat magnet. These are some of my favorite threats:

5. I'll shotput you're eyes off! - Zach Sieber
4. You can't have any more pie until you finish your potatoes. - Waiter at Perkins
3. I'm gonna kick your head off! - Kristin Richter
2. Jeff: "Mr. Nugents gonna kick you off the computer Ankush."
Ankush: "I'm gonna kick you off of this world."
1. Don't make me send you back to your real parents. - Mom

posted by Wildebeast @ 6:58 AM 3 comments

The Secrets of the Mind.

The squirrel quickly recovered it's balance and turning to face his opponent said, "You are obviously much more skilled than I. You must have spent your whole life practicing, it's too bad it's all been in vain." His pursuer rising onto his three feet opened the void dark chasm of his mouth and uttered, "אתה יודע שום דבר סנ. אני יודע של כוח שאתה לא חלמת של. היום אתה נופל ואתה לא תמצא אף שלום במות". As he spoke the sky faded and reappeared as a black mist. The squirrel was drawn up into the darkness, never to return again.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:32 AM 0 comments

More wise wisdom.

1. Don't let your head get so big you can't fit through the door.
2. Don't try to turn a porpoise into a dolphin.
3. A fool still covers his mouth when he sneezes. But a wise fool covers his mouth when he speaks.
4. Even when you're cornered you still have something to lean on.
5. Speak not to be heard but to be understood.
6. In luxury and loss be thankful.
7. Lust is never Love.
8. Race to lose not to win. Winning makes one slow, losing quickens the pace.
9. There's no such thing as a handicap.
10. No music is sweeter than your own.
11. Take pleasure in a gift, feel no guilt in charity.
12. No secrets exist in time all will be told.
13. Sometimes the greatest comfort is grief.
14. Treasure your future more than your past.
15. Conform to nothing and others will conform to you.
16. The most important moments are when you forget you exist.
17. Hope is never lost, it's just misplaced.
18. An open mind is an open tomb, waiting to be robbed.
19. If you know where you need to go nothing can stop you.
20. Speak of others problems only when you can fix them.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:07 AM 2 comments

Me giving a speech in English class.

Well, um, my speech is about, uh, Atticus Finch from... To Kill A Mocking Bird *voice squeaks*. Atticus was a good guy because, uh, he did what was right even when other people didn't, other people didn't do what was right because Tom was black and they were racist.....In conclusion what makes Atticus a good man is honesty and *voice fades out* inhegreagrh.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:02 AM 1 comments

A Secret Enemy: TV

How many times have you come home from school or work, plopped down in front of the TV and wasted away the rest of the daylight. Probably alot. How many hours have been wasted watching meaningless programs filled with meaningless trash, probably alot. If you watch three half hour shows a day in one year you've spent 547.5 hours watching TV, that's about twenty three days out of the year, twenty three days you'll never get back. And if you watch four shows a day you've spent 730 hours or 30.4 days watching TV. What could you have done in those days, think about it. Kids nowadays are watching even more TV than ever on average about three hours a day. They are wasting away their childhood. Imagine when you're an adult thinking back on your childhood and the only memories you have are watching cartoons. There is much more in life to experience than daytime soap operas. There's a wonderful world of nature outside just waiting to experienced. That's why I have given up watching TV. I haven't watched it for 5 days and it feels wonderful. Yesterday instead of watching TV I went outside and walked in the woods in a slight drizzle and watched the sunset everything was bright and green it was pretty pretty. In conclusion TV sucks.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:28 AM 2 comments

The Beard-Shaving Caste System

In my mind I believe that there is a unspoken caste system of how men shave their
beards. They are ranked in order of rugged manliness.

First at the bottom of the chain there are the Harijan or "Untouchables". They shave completely using "Nair".

Then there are the Shudras. They shave with a disposable plastic razor.

Then there are the Vaishya. They shave with a non-disposable hand razor.

Then there are the Kshatriya. They shave with an electric razor. The reason these are above the hand razors is just because of the power they show by not having to use shaving cream.

Finally there are the Brahman, the top of the food chain. They shave with an old fashioned straight razor. Now that's cool.

And of course there's Krishna. I think he probably uses a huge sword.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:28 AM 2 comments

If I Were Homeless

If I ever became homeless I imagine that there would be three main necessities that I would need to take care of, Food, Shelter and Clothing. I think that first I'd find a dumpster out behind a pizzeria because when the day is over they throw away all their pizzas they didn't sell and they're all boxed so they would still be pretty fresh. Then I'd go behind a wilderness outfitter so that I could get some clothes that were thrown out like a nice warm jacket. Then I'd go behind a Best Buy and get some big TV boxes and make a really cool box fort. After that I'd be set to live my homeless life.
At first I think I'd feel disgusted at myself for eating garbage, then I think I'd get over once I realized how much good free stuff I could find. I could get anything I wanted out of peoples trash. I think I'd try to take everything that I saw that interested me even if I couldn't ever use it. I'd realize a few weeks later that it was useless to try and keep everything. I could only take what I could make immediate use out of.
After a while I'd probably develop my own simple tools like making a hammer out of an old dumbbell. I imagine I'd probably start to get delusional and believe I was the original inventor of everything I made. I'd go around claiming I invented the lever or that I found an easier way to make fire. People would probably humor me and say things like "Hey that's a good Idea!" or "I wish I'd have thought of that." I might develop rivalries with alley cats eating out of trash cans because I would think they thought they were better than me. Sometimes I think I'd purposely get arrested for minor misdemeanors so that I could have a conversation with a police officer and spend a night in a warm cell bed.
I'd tip my hat to the ladies and say good evening to the gentlemen. I'd often tell people I was a scientist, and used to luxury, just to gain their approval. I'd make myself a fake college degree in public communications out of a postcard and unofficially run for provincial governor of Ontario. I'd start my own magic show in a back lot and perform for passers by, not for money but for applause. Of course I'd eventually get curious and eat some muck from the bottom of the dumpster. That would be my downfall. I'd be admitted into a hospital with a severe flu virus so rare it was named after me. I always knew that was my tragic flaw.
In conclusion I'm glad I don't have to be homeless until I'm done with College.

posted by Wildebeast @ 7:26 AM 2 comments

Well, another childhood down the drain. 

posted by Wildebeast @ 12:00 PM 1 comments

Career Test

These are the results of a Career placement test I took.

posted by Wildebeast @ 6:59 AM 3 comments